Then something happens: Mom goes into labor. After happiness and harmony, we fall into horror and reality. When all the nightmare is over, we find a new source of nourishment and fall into a warm embrace. The first months, we live with the mother’s body, which feeds us, warms us, gives us warmth, relieves discomfort. With her voice, Mom could calm us when we were anxious and play when we felt like it. We are capable of recognizing our mother and walking joyfully. We know the hands of Mom, in whom we trust completely. We knew our needs would be fulfilled. We knew our cries for help would certainly be heard.
As soon as we reach the age of seven months, we begin to distinguish ours from strangers. Now, the world consists of a child and a mother, and everyone else. Strangers to a child of this age include the father, grandparents, and everyone else. Strangers cause concern because they are definitely not a mother. Now, the child understands again how important his mother is to him. He wants to feel protected. There are cases where some of the strangers (grandmother, father, nanny) are actively involved in caring for the child. In this case, they begin to be associated with the continuation of the mother. Numerous studies have shown the direct dependence of a child’s sense of security on the mother’s behavior and condition. At the same time, much of the child’s behavior depends entirely on how the mother treats others and how she treats the child with them.
Children at the age of nine months are well able to distinguish the emotions that arise in the mother. She rejoices at the appearance of another person, or it causes her irritation, anxiety, and a bad mood. When a mother experiences positive emotions in the presence of a stranger, the child quickly gets used to it and does not worry. When a mother experiences negative emotions, the child’s anxiety increases several times.
Consider all this in a specific situation. Suppose our mother has a demanding and strict mother. She constantly criticizes her daughter and declares that she cannot take care of the child on her own. Every action of a young mother brings accusations, nitpicking, and criticism. Therefore, as soon as the grandmother enters the baby’s room, the mother begins to feel negativity, and the baby itself feels anxiety, anxiety, and discomfort. Often, in such families, young mothers step back, do not try to resist dominant mothers, but give up and allow the grandmother to take care of the baby. Because of this mother’s behavior, the child begins to suffer. He is afraid, he believes he has been abandoned. It’s real stress.
If you look at such a scene from the side, it may not seem particularly interesting. However, this impression is mistaken. Each of these situations does not pass completely without a trace. The child shows signs of ambivalence towards the mother. The child loses his sense of security. At the age of one, there is an awareness of conflict. After all, in every family, even the friendliest, there are misunderstandings and conflicts.
Surprising and incredible as it may seem, at the age of one, each of us begins to understand what feelings his parents have for each other, whether they find a common language and understanding. I