Parenthood is hard to navigate and it only gets trickier the older your child gets. Figuring out the right balance between protecting them from harm and giving them autonomy takes time, and parents don’t always get this equation right. It’s easy to give into the urge to do things for your children in order to safeguard them and prolong their childhood. But is that really the best course of action for them? As they grow older, children need space to think and act independently in order to learn important life lessons and skills. Robbing them of these opportunities, no matter how pure your intentions, will only stifle them. A parent’s role is to help and support the kids as they develop into adults and gain experiences.
Here’s a list of things parents should not do for their kids:
1. Speak For Them
We’re all guilty of answering questions for our kids when they are little. Anytime someone enquires about their name, or how old they are, we’re more than ready to jump in. But this habit must stop as soon as your child is able to speak for themselves. This will teach your children how to communicate efficiently and how to interact with others. Moreover, it gives them a sense of identity and the freedom to present themselves the way they wish to. Depriving them of these freedoms will only hinder their development. So it is important to never speak for them. You can hint at what is appropriate to say in specific situations, but let them figure out the rest.
2. Help Them Too Much
Contrary to popular belief, there is a thing as helping your child too much. Your child doesn’t need as much assistance as you’d like to believe. By the age of 3, they already know how to do small tasks like take off their own clothes, feed themselves and wash their own cups. Your child wants to learn how to do things for themselves and your duty is to teach them how to be more independent. It may take them some time and a couple of tries to get it right, but allow them to make mistakes and learn from them instead of resorting to doing everything by yourself. Support your child and they experiment with new ways of doing menial tasks. It will help them build confidence and self-esteem.
3. Count Their Money
Getting their own pocket money and learning how to manage finances is a huge milestone for your kids. When you finally give your child an allowance, it shows them that you have established a level of trust with them because you think they are capable of making good decisions for themselves. Don’t ruin this by constantly inquiring about how much money they have left or what they used the money on. Instead, teach your kids how to budget well. Sit down with them and help them come up with a saving scheme to afford that new PlayStation or bicycle they want. Remember, rummaging through their bags will not make them responsible. Instead, it will jeopardize the trust they had in you.
4. Intrude On Their Personal Lives
We get it, you’re concerned about your child. But snooping around in their room for clues or being nosy about what’s going on in their lives will not give you the answers you want. Children are great at hiding things when they don’t want to be found out. And if you haven’t established a strong bond built on trust, they are not going to share their life with you. Children grow and go on to expand their social circles. They make friends and go out on dates. This is inevitable and natural. Instead of intruding on their personal space and badgering them about what they did that day, facilitate open two-way communication. Tell them about what’s going on in your life and help them feel like they can do the same. Establishing a safe environment will enable them to share things that they are going through or experiences they are currently having. It’s a far better way to stay in the loop than interrogating them.
5. Choose Their Taste In Things
Be it clothes, movies, books or food, don’t dictate what your child should and shouldn’t like. Let them develop their own tastes and preferences. It will help them grow into their own personality. Instead of pushing them towards things you like, let them broaden your horizon and introduce you to things they’ve discovered and taken a liking to.
Parenting is full of ups and downs and can seem like an impossible task. Knowing when to step in for your child and take a step back takes time to figure out. But you will get the hang of it as your little one grows. There is no need to worry. Keep this list in mind so that you know exactly what not to do. Is there something we’ve missed out? Let us know in the comments section!