A marriage counsellor has shared the one sure sign you’re heading straight for a breakup.
If you are having doubts about your future with your other half but aren’t completely sure you want to split, looking a little deeper into your relationship could help you come to a decision.
You can rack up a pros and cons list, ask your friends for their opinions or toss a coin and let the universe decide – or, you could take the advice of this marriage counsellor and keep an eye out for this major red flag.
Those who have stumbled into this issue with their spouse have described it as the ‘black mould’ of relationships, which presumably means it’s a toxic situation which can really take a toll on you and can be very difficult to overcome.
You only get these kind of analogies on Reddit, of course, which is where the discussion surrounding the ‘one clear sign that a romance is a write off’ initially began.
The thread titled ‘What screams ‘we are not going to last long’ for couples?’ obviously invited some pretty unusual answers from social media users, but there was one particular response which really caught people’s attention.
The post read: “I was at a party one time and there was a marriage counsellor there that had been working for 20-something years in couples counselling.
“I asked her what the number one sign was that the couple wasn’t going to make it.
Don’t forget your worth and get walked all over (Getty Stock Photos)
“Without hesitating, she said, ‘If one person shows contempt for the others feelings, it’s over!'”
This behaviour, dubbed a ‘relationship killer’ by experts, is a surefire way to put out any remaining spark.
Although it’s meant to be the pair of you against the world, you might find that your other half has suddenly become your biggest adversary who seems determined to make you feel inferior.
According to sex and relationship researcher Kristen Mark, treating your partner with contempt means that you disregard their feelings and treat them as ‘someone who is not worthy of consideration’.
“Mocking your partner, speaking to them with condescension, or using sarcasm for cruelty are all examples of contempt,” she explained during an interview with The Knot.
Whether it’s their body language, below the belt ‘jokes’ or their blunt response, being treated in this way isn’t fun at all.
Experts reckon this problem usually arises when couples don’t address their issues with one another – so this growing resentment means that treating them with contempt becomes a ‘habit’, as the anger just never subsides.
Relationship expert Kristen Mark said contempt is the leading cause of breakups (Getty Stock Photos)
According to Mark, this behaviour is often fuelled by negative thoughts someone might have about their beau which end up seeping out due to a ‘lack of respect and disregard for your partner’s thoughts, feelings and even existence’.
She continued: “At its worst, it can take the form of disgust and hostility. It makes you want to attack a partner’s sense of self and fuels conflict in a relationship.”
Although it’s a leading cause of breakups, Mark reckons you might still be able to save your relationship if you nip it in the bud as soon as it rears its ugly head, so that these negative feelings don’t fester.
She added: “Talk to your partner and find ways to build up a culture of appreciation in your relationship. Also, describe your own feelings and needs to your partner and get into the habit of doing this regularly.
“That allows for you to take ownership of your own experience and share that with your partner so they can be responsive to those feelings and needs.”