Every parent wants their son to grow into someone who is strong, dependable and respectful. Although society today is drastically changing and many parents have bridged the gap between how they raise their kids, one cannot completely discard the fact that there are still different societal expectations enforced on both genders. This is mainly due to the fact that men and women are different and competent in their own ways. However, in the quest to make your son a competent and successful adult, you don’t want to stifle him or his growth in order to fulfill society’s expectations.
For example, boys are always taught to sidestep their needs especially if they are emotional needs in order to do their duty of protecting and taking care of their family. But how can anyone take care of another individual if they are unable to take care of themselves? It’s time to update these outdated rules. Here are a couple of mistakes you may be making and should avoid while raising your son.
1. When You Tell Your Son That Talking It Out Solves Most Problems
Now just to be clear, we don’t condone violence. But simply talking to someone may not be the best tactic to get out of a tricky situation. The people today are not equipped to live in a completely aggression-free society yet. And that’s because sometimes you need aggression in order to defend yourself in a dangerous scenario. For example, if a child who is of a similar age or older than your child behaves aggressively with your kid and fights are inevitable.
They are not going to calm down simply because your child insists on talking it out. And as hard as it may be to digest, your child must learn to defend themselves physically for the sake of their own safety. If you condition your child to never fight back, there may be some terrible repercussions that you didn’t see coming. Instead of teaching them that aggression is bad, teach them what scenarios and circumstances it is allowed in.
2. When Parents Refer To Their Son’s Female Friends As Their Girlfriends
It’s time to get rid of the ridiculous notion that your boy can’t have a friend who is a girl. Not a romantic interest or a crush, just his friend. Moms and grandmoms think it’s cute to label any girl their baby boy interacts with as their girlfriend or future wife or bride. But this can be extremely confusing and awkward for your child and you may end up ruining a great friendship unintentionally. There are no ill intentions involved, of course, and parents aren’t really serious but it can have serious consequences.
You might even mean it as a joke, but your humor may not translate well to your child. Besides, if you constantly emphasize any contact he makes with women he may start to avoid them in the future. He may feel like he simply cannot interact with them in a platonic and neutral setting.
3. When You Compare Them To Girls When They Cry Insisting It Is Weak To Do So
Everyone cries when they are hurt and upset. It’s natural, just like laughing at a funny joke is. Neither action is reserved for a particular gender. Telling your boys that they can’t cry will only make them feel emotionally restricted. He will slowly view all of his emotions as something he must keep hidden and be ashamed when they are the most normal thing in the world. It may also cause some misconception between him and others. If he doesn’t see his father or other male figures cry, he might think there is something wrong with him for wanting to do so. When you go a step further and tell your boys that they are behaving like girls when they are having an appropriate emotional response, they will start to think of women as lesser beings for being able to express themselves.
4. When Boys Are Always Made To Make Way For Girls
The other extreme would be to raise a “perfect gentleman” who puts his desires, needs, and feelings of justice aside for others. This is going to further confuse your son as they won’t understand girls and boys are treated differently. Especially considering that kids, regardless of gender, have physically the same strength when they are younger.
Raising boys in this day and age can be difficult. They need to learn to be empathetic but strong. Be sensitive yet competent. But it isn’t an impossible task. As long as you avoid these pitfalls your son will be raised right. Happy parenting!